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ained would be the 'ch'
formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform 'w' spelling,
so that 'which' and 'one' would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might
well abolish 'y' replasing it with 'i' and Iear 4 might fiks the 'g-j'
anomali wonse and for all.
Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with
Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so
modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai
Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez
'c', 'y' and 'x' - bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez - tu
riplais 'ch', 'sh', and 'th' rispektivli.
Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a
lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
-- Mark Twain
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A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
-- Klipstein
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All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands.
-- Saint Patrick
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"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a
sympathetic pal seated next to him in a bar.
"How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where
she'd been she said she'd spent the night with her sister Shirley."
"So?"
"So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley."
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Harry, a golfing enthusiast if there ever was one, arrived home
from the club to an irate, ranting wife.
"I'm leaving you, Harry," his wife announced bitterly. "You
promised me faithfully that you'd be back before six and here it is almost
nine. It just can't take that long to play 18 holes of golf."
"Honey, wait," said Harry. "Let me explain. I know what I promised
you, but I have a very good reason for being late. Fred and I tee'd off
right on time and everything was find for the first three holes. Then, on
the fourth tee Fred had a stroke. I ran back to the clubhouse but couldn't
find a doctor. And, by the time I got back to Fred, he was dead. So, for
the next 15 holes, it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred...
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A lanky Texan was mad because Texas had just become the second largest state in
the Union, so he made up his mind to move to Alaska. He drove for three days
and three nights to get there and finally he came to what looked like the state
line. He halted his car and walked up to the border guard. "Hi, there! How
do I become a resident of this here biggest state?" demanded the Texan.
The guard looked him up and down and grinned. "Waal," he answered,
there are three things you gotta do to get in. First, drink down a quart of
110 proof corn liquor without blinkin'. Second, kill a grizzly bear, a
third, make love to an Eskimo woman."
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